What Goes on Behind Closed Doors…

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In light of the recent events involving Baltimore Ravens football player, Ray Rice and his wife Janay, I feel completely compelled and obligated to express my deep concerns about the matter. In no way is this scripted or rehearsed; nor is it edited or revised. It is my raw account of the situation. At this time, I am sure just about everyone in the nation is aware and/or have seen the shocking video footage of the incident in the elevator. I don’t have to know “all the facts” in order to give my opinion. In fact, I don’t even need a video. I would like to first and foremost say that this is not about the fault of the National Football League Commissioner. Nor does the finger get pointed to the media and the general public. The blame lies solely on the coward. It really, REALLY upsets me to know that Domestic Violence exists. Some things in life are preventable; such as obesity or some types of cancer. I fell that DV is alive and well because of US. All of US. As a DV survivor, I can say first hand that there is a way out. No one is deserving of forced misery and fear. To be honest, I don’t know where the disconnect started; giving someone total control and power over your own well being. The mind is a powerful force and unfortunately not always for the greater good. It pains me to see a women give up a part of her soul and spirit, to strengthen someone else’s. As women, we are natural-born nurturers. We want to confront and protect. Maybe that’s why it acceptable to forgive. Where did it start for someone to have such a damaged self-worth?? I wish I could answer my own question, since I was once had that state of mind. I do not even know when or where I gained the courage to walk away. All I can account for are the excuses I made for him and HIS actions. I didn’t want anyone to see the external and internal bruises. I remember the incredible fear; fear of what will happen next; will he really hurt me next time. I was lucky. I am alive. For some people, the results are fatal. Men too are victims; and the numbers are rising. I don’t want it to seem that I am reaching out to just women, no, males too are subjected to DV. It is not socially acceptable for a main to be abused by a woman. But abuse comes in all shades; physical, emotional, finically and psychological. I don’t know a better way to say this: love NEVER hurts. Manipulation does. There should never be a time or an incidence in your relationship where you feel the “need” to get violent. NEVER. NO EXCUSE. No one can tell me differently. I don’t want to hear, “it was only one time”, “what if I served it”. ” shit happens”, ” it was an accident”. All of these are nothing but pathetic lies to cover up the ugly truth. If you are a victim of DV, I urge you to seek help immediately. You don’t have to be alone. If you feel stuck, reach out to me. I have plenty of resources. Just know that you are not by yourself; there are people that can help you and your family. It will take time to build your moral strength to finally comprehend that YOU matter.

Thanks.

R.

Dear Mama…

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Mommy-

When you had me, you were 32 years old…

…and when I moved out of the house  to start my grown-up life, you were 54 years old.

ImageThat means you spent over 7500 minutes of your life raising me, feeding me, worrying about me and basically being  my #1 source of support in the world…MY #1Image

Being al that you’ve done for me, there is no way that I could possible thank you enough.

But I’m going to try.

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I’d like to give you over 7500 minus of pure bliss, love, peace and laughter. If it was up to me, you can have the whole world in your hands. That is not nearly enough of what you deserve.

Thanks for being my mom–for all that you’ve done and all that you continue to do. Plain and simple.

I am so in love with the person that I’ve grown up to be, and I wouldn’t have the life that I’ve got without your trust, support, guidance and care.Image

Thanks for giving me life….and thanks for making it good.

Happy Mother’s Day

Love,

Ronda Chenese

 

 

The City of No Illusions

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Ok, soooooooo I’ve been in in the Big Apple for almost 9 months and I’ve had the opportunity to soak what New York has to offer.  It just so happened that I have not returned to my home town of Buffalo, NY since I relocated. There are  different reasons, I haven’t went back to visit family and friends; but I think it was a sign from Heaven that I have stayed put. I needed to take my time to learn and adapt to my new surrounding;and i didn’t want any interference from home sickness to cloud my judgement.  Even so,  I am true and loyal to the Queen City. In honor of  The City of Good Neighbors, I have devised a list making Buffalo a reason to still be one of the best on the map.

Food

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I hate that food is the first, but I cannot hide the truth.  Buffalo has some of the BEST restaurants for every taste bud. Everything from Greek, to Thai, Buffalo houses the best food on Earth.  Some may say that Buffalo may have one of the highest population of obesity, and i may have to agree.  In my book, eating is a pastime. Enjoying incredible cuisines  will definitely put pounds on the hips. What I love  is when it is warm enough, you can smell the aroma from the backward BBQ’s in EVERY neighborhood. Of course, the wings are what Buffalo is known for the most.  We can argue about who has the best wings, but since this is MY blog I will put my claim in: LaNova’s, Caputi’s, and Duff’s are some of my choices.  What are some of your favorites?

 

2. Real Estate

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I am at a point in my life where I am looking to invest in some property.  The shocking revelation was the HUGE difference in property value in homes.  Seeing the vast contrasts in real estate in both NYC and Buffalo, did I realize what I took for granted.   A modest home in a modest neighborhood in NYC can cost anywhere between $400k-$600k.  Never in my wildest dreams would I associate a 1000 sq ft home with those figures.  In Buffalo, your dollar goes a longer way.  According to the US Census Bureau, homeowners in Western New York paid 34 percent less than the national average for their homes and 17 percent less for mortgages than those around the country.  The assessments are accurate and truth be told, Buffalo has really beautiful property.  Do you love your home you live in?

 

Unwavering sport fans

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Alright, it is no secret that Buffalo has sport teams that have proven to be disappointing….downright embarrassing.  Nevertheless, there is NO other city that has fans that  exhibits tremendous love for Buffalo. It is an unspoken fact that when there is a home hockey or football game, the city is a ghost town. Why you ask?? Because either people  are the stadium enjoying the game, at a local bar or pub, or hosting a party in their own living room. It really doesn’t matter if the team wins…it will certainly be a victory, but the real enjoyment comes from the drinking, shouting, dancing, drinking, showing off the new jersey and drinking. 🙂 Have you ever had the pleasure of going to a Buffalo Bills game?

Seasons

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I know Buffalo is know for the harshest  of winters; with even that being said, the city still presents each and every season change.  I have always appreciated cities that have consistent warm weather; places such as San Diego.  But Mother Nature has blessed Western New York with Winter, Spring, Summer and Autumn…which is rare in some cities.  Whether its skiing at Kissing Bridge,  picking flowers in Delaware Park, enjoying a crisp night at Hamburg’s Haunted Hayride or spending a hot Saturday afternoon at Allentown Art Festival, there are activities for every liking.  What do you like best about the seasons in Western New York?

I have spent my entire life in Buffalo, NY, and I will defend my city to anyone who decides to make disses.  There are infinite reasons to stay, live and grow in that incredible town.  There is something about being born and raised in a place with that has tremendous character, tradition and acceptance. What do you love most about your hometown?

Describe Me As….

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I got an idea to showcase some things in life that I love…listed in alphabetical order.

*Amethyst Earrings

*Anything involving Julia Roberts, Mariska Hargitay and Janet Evanovich

* Anything written in French and decorated with hearts

* Air Max Sneakers

*Bikram yoga

*Birchbox

*Buddha statues

*Burt’s Bees Natural Skin Care Products

*Comedian, Eddie Murphy

*Central Park

  • Crown Moulding
  • Daydreaming during the day
  • Dimples

*Dresses by Maggie London

*Eighties boy-bands

*Essential oils

*Etsy

*Feng Shui

*Fred Flintstone

*green eyes

*Hookah Bars

*History Channel

* hoop earrings

* Investigation Discoveries

  • Kale

*ladybugs

*lavender bushes

*  “The Law of Attraction”

*Mentos candies

* Messy  non-uniformity

*Music Videos

*Mud Masks

*Ninety-degree weather

* Northern California

*New York Times

*Paris

*pearls

  • Polyvore
  • Prayer & meditation
  • Range Rovers
  • Real Simple magazine
  • Red haired women
  • “Remember the Titans”, movie
  • shoe stores in Greenwich Village
  • St. Kitts
  • Soul melodies
  • VOGUE
  • walk-in closets
  • Wedding Receptions
  • Zen bath time
  • Zip lining
  • Zoos without cages and bars

I showed you mine…now show me yours.

R.

3 Reasons to Work for MY Work

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“Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs”  Farrah Gray

For more reasons than one, I have strongly contemplated being a self- proclaimed, self-developed, self-empowered  and self-employed individual.  If you knew what kind of mind I have, you would know that on a consistent basis I have a million ideas about personal development, running through my frontal lobe. With every movement I make, I make it a point to incorporate ways to move towards my goal of self sufficiency.    Instead of looking to others with the experience and  to give me insight, I decided to create my own list of reasons to work for yourself and build a solid legacy for the future.  I truly believe in investing in oneself in order to gain the financial freedom that is desired.  I haven’t been in the workforce that long; I would say 15 years.  During that time, I cannot say that I fully “loved” what I did for a living.  For me, loving what I do  is doing something that I love. Like anything, there are pros and cons to decisions and choices in life. Without hesitation, the pros out weigh the cons.  So this is a list that convinces ME to move forward to be a proprietor of my own legacy.

1) FREEDOM OF FLEXIBILITY

This is number one on my list.  I have a hard time asking permission for the natural liberties that I was given as a citizen of the United States of America.  In my opinion, I think it is ludicrous  that I need  to ask my superior….two weeks in advance… for a day off to go to the beach.  I truly believe that a responsible adult can have as much time off for  mental rejuvenation and personal enjoyment without being reprimanded.  Some companies in fact allow staff to make to schedule their personal time at their discretion, as long as the productivity was up to par.  I seriously don’t understand why that it is a complex concept to some.  It makes perfect sense to me.  It is shameful that employees are terrified to ask their supervisors for a break in daily work.  As a sole proprietor, you have the means to work as much as you want…or not.  It is true, that most owners of successful businesses are workaholics; feeling that their name and brand are more important to risk a week in the Bahamas. In all honestly, I probably will feel the same; but at least I have the authority to make my own decisions.

2) DECISIONS, DECISIONS

Following directions is not simplistic.  Polices and procedures are blueprints to a specific structure on how something should be.  I myself don’t alway follow the  blueprint.   I know single handily know that if you have a problem exercising the company’s vision in success, you will be immediately escorted out the front door.  I think, it is OK to not always agree.  What is not OK, is when  creativity and open-mindedness is stifled for the wrong reasons.  I do not have a “A type” personality, but I will consider myself to be very strong-willed. In the recent years, I have noticed that I have became more frustrated with the decisions making of projects and procedures and such, which left me felling powerless ….situations that I cannot control.Iit has taken me some time to understand, that I may have not a voice in a matter, or my opinion is not needed.  When you are in charge of your own empire, you have the opportunity to have more control of the direction you want to verve. For me, the “sink or swim” attitude is a risk I am willing to take to be successful in any business venture.

3) FINANCIAL GLORY

I don’t live in a fantasy world.  I understand that millions of dollars will not just fall from the sky and land on my lap.  Self-made entrepreneurs have definitely been through more bad than good to achieve their goals.  On the outside looking in, it seems that it is easy-breezy to own and operate a business. However, I am not naive; I comprehend  fully the hard work, dedication, consistency , challenges, struggles and sacrifice it makes to run a successful operation…let alone create a profit.

financial_success

When I was in college, I was told the best way to achieve the “American Dream” is to work hard….and get a good job.  For some people that fits.  What was omitted from that equation was MY truth.  I do not have be in the workforce for 30 years to know,  that in order to make money and keep money is to invest in MYSELF. Given a hourly wage or salary, based on what someone else feels  I am worth is an insult to me as a person. If you make $10/hr, and  put in 40 hours a week, your take home pay may not seem as rewarding as the effort it took to put in.  In a sense, it really isn’t about the money.  It’s more about the opportunities. It is not easy or common for people to think outside of their teachings; to take unknown risks. If the concept was easily obtainable, everyone would be in business of themselves.

Having a conditioned mind and heart is not necessarily bad.  I do not fault others for making a living, taking care of themselves and their families; essentially working hard.  For me, I want to be in change of my destiny.  In my eyes, truth and happiness lies in complete surrender to my goals and aspirations.  I know people who truly can say out loud, “I love my job, and I love what I do”.  I will not be fully satisfied until I can make a living do what makes me shine. Leaving a name and legacy for my future family will only make it more worth while.  What are your career goals??

New year…New YOU

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New beginnings once again…..

It seems like everyone is in such a hurry to put 2013 behind. Apparently, there has been some tribulations and challenges that was not foreseen. I’m happy to hear that my friends and family are eagerly anticipating a brand new start; positive movement. As I’ve started in a previous blog, I’m not a fan of “resolutions”. I understand that goals are important, and it’s good to have them. But unfortunately, resolutions don’t live past February. As you expect better life changes in the coming year, MAKE them a reality as oppose to just a wish. Actually put them in action. For example, make a goal for every month. Write it down…create a plan. By December 2014, you have at least twelve completed “resolutions” that were achievable.This may take some time and effort but this is YOUR life. If you are not going to invest in greatness and success, who will!?!?
The bottom line is, take care of YOU. Focus on YOU. I guarantee the more you spend time doing what you want, the happier you will be. Write that book, open that business, even quit that job. Yes I said it! No doubt that you will be more in love with your life. If I’m wrong, I want to know about it. So now what are you going to do in 2014 that will take you to new heights?

Whatever it is, make it happen. Take advantage of your choices.

Miracles & Blessings

Ronda
Xoxoxo

Slavery Days

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Today I downloaded  “Twelve Years a Slave” by Solomon Northrop onto my NOOK.  It also has five additional american slave narratives : “Life of Frederick Douglass”, “Up From Slavery”, “Life of Josiah Henson”, “Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl” & “Uncle Tom’s Cabin”.  Needless to say, I am thrilled to dig into 1250 pages worth of rich history.  Ever since college, I’ve been so intrigued by African American narratives.  Maybe it is because African Americans weren’t allowed to have an opinion let alone put their story in print.  I appreciate first-hand pieces.  My imagination runs away from the page and into the mind of the writer.  I cannot wait to fill you in.  I prefer to read the book first before I see it on the silver screen.   If you seen the movie already, let me know what you think…..without giving away the surprises 😉

xoxoxox

R.